So, chating w/ my shrink for the first time in 6 weeks, I mentioned a dream I had. He always seems so very interested in my dreams, though between the alcohol, pot and getting up early, I hardly remember them anymore. Anyway, I mentioned that I knew I was finally over my hurt and feelings of betrayal, because i had a "good" dream about Boo. I dreamt we were arguing about something, I don't remember what, but it ended with both of us (Boo and me) realizing that it was not worth arguing about, and that we would never agree, but it just didn't matter. We both felt foolish and laughed. That's it - but i knew in my heart what it meant. Before that, all the dreams/nightmares we just about her pissing me off, or humiliating me in public, both things she did on a regualr basis. So this dream made me feel much better. I recognize healing, at least when I see it in myself.
By the way, there is stuff in my life that Boo just never could understand, such as my dreams/nightmares. She just found them too frighting - I found fear in them, but i always looked for the message behind them. She just saw the fear, poor thing. She was just not in touch with her inner life, or was just too much for her to grasp. After a while, I stopped sharing my dreams with her, cause I could see the fear it generated in her. The things those dreams taught me were just too much for her to take in.
I however, still explore my dreams, good or bad, and look for what I'm trying to tell myself. That's why I can understand what that last dream about me and Boo was telling me.
Freud may have said it best - "Dreams are messages we are trying to tell ourselves" - paraphrasing, of course.
